Jon Weber Has Spokesman Opportunity

WDBB must have a friend over at the FF&B law firm. We have just received a copy of a letter from them to one of our most famous Durham Bulls. We thought our readers might be interested. Especially on this day when the player in question should be in Portland and playing in the All-Star game.

Farfaleaux, Foghart, & Bloviate, L.L.C.
Attorneys-at-Law & Media Relations Consultants
Diamond View II Bldg
Durham, NC

July 15, 2009

Mr. Jon Weber
Durham Bulls Baseball Club
Durham, NC

Dear Mr. Weber:

As you may know, our firm represents various clients in both legal and media relations capacities. In addition, from time to time we are also called upon to assist in the marketing endeavors of our clients. For some weeks we have been attempting to contact your business agent; however, since we were unsuccessful, I thought that I should contact you directly because I am firmly of the belief that this is an opportunity not to be missed.

I am sure you will pleased to learn that one of our most prominent clients may be in need of your services. They are about launch a new advertising campaign for one of their most famous and reputable products. In the course of a recent discussion regarding the campaign their CEO mentioned that they were in need of a spokesman to help them in the campaign. I cannot tell you how pleased I was to tell them, “I know just the man.”

Our client is a North Carolina-based forest products company and owner of the famous Get-a-Grip pine tar brand. As you may know, the use of pine tar on bats has been in a steady decline with the introduction of metal bats. So much so that there are very few brands left in the business. On the other hand, with the recent upsurge in broken bats, Get-a-Grip sees an opportunity to become the leader in what is apparently a growing market.

The idea of the campaign is actually rather simple. With your record thus far this year (at least 6 bats into the stands by our count) you would be perfect as a spokesman for the “before and after” effects of using Get-a-Grip.

Brilliant, wouldn’t you say? We simply collect a few videos of you tossing your bat into the stands of the DBAP, or other stadium of your choice; then follow it up with several of your signature doubles; then have you deliver a testimonial to the efficacy of Get-a-Grip, perhaps with the famous “snorting bull” in the background.

Unfortunately, Get-a-Grip has insisted on a contingency clause in any potential contract which I, as their attorney, am bound to honor. It is this: from the signing of the contract there can be no further instances of bats going into the stands. That is not likely to be a problem, is it? I am sure you understand that further incidents would severely undermine your chances of being selected for the position.

What do you think? Can we perhaps meet during the next home stand?

Sincerely yours,


Armstrong Farfaleaux
Sr. Partner, FF&B